I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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