would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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