dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize