You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
