I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
