I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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