You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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