my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
50% drunk capacity currently
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
