i would punch a child for taco bell
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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