You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
