You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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