What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sober January is a disaster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
