my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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