Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
