omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
