he shaved USA in his pubs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
