those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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