Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
