break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
