then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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