honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
