Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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