can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
false alarm, still single
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
