grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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