Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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