I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
