Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
only if we run a train.
done.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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