I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
