Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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