i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
