I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
