i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
