it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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