Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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