wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
