Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
