i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
