I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
