I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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