i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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