Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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