I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
