just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
