It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
