Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
