I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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