You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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