Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
