the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
