i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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