i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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