we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
