dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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