Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
