and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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