last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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