now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
