Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
