you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
