benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
