why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
