we have pet lesbian snakes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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