birth control should be required to get into college
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
