I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
