I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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